Monday, July 05, 2004
my beloved... floating on the breeze, always out of reach

I just spent the last 3 days with the Ladds, Sarah, and Marcy.  We watched the fireworks at centennial park, met cousins, ate 4 meals a day, goofed around, stayed up until 6 am, went to church, and took about a million pictures, and a bunch of other fun stuff.  It was a great time - I love my kwaj people, and the Ladd relations were a lot of fun too.  It was good haveing someone to talk to after a month.  Sarah, was especially awesome and is definately the winner as far as talking, even if she is wey too freaking loud at the wee hours of the morning.  We're headed back to FL tomorrow.  I'm glad to be getting back and hopefully in a rythm again, and I'm looking forward to seeing the kwaj folks again in Orlando on my turf.  Peace out!!!

Posted at 11:43 pm by oblivionvoid
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Friday, July 02, 2004
astro boy is the shizzz

I did lawns all day today - it was great fun.  I could have done it for free.

Posted at 11:38 pm by oblivionvoid
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Thursday, July 01, 2004
mow love... mow power

YAY!!!! I got hired with a landscaping company - I'll start work tomorrow. I'm very happy.  I will have something to do all day, and get money.  And they have super nice mowers.  Mowing is mainly what I'll be doing.  It's gonna be fun.  And then I'm going to Atlanta tonight!!! and I'll be seeing beka and sara in the morning.  I watched the majuro mission video tonight, and I saw al the kwaj peeps. - I wanted to hug the screen I miss you guys so much!!!  I sometimes think to myself - I'll go ride around and see what's going on.  and then I realize I know no one in this town.  Except I did meet this guy, micah - he's got a wife and a kid, but we played pingpong for 3 hrs' today.  He's pretty darn good - it felt nice to get some actual competition.  I beat him 6 games - he won 3.  He was pretty good - but I"m better.  It's good to have stuff to do finally.  And Atl tomorrow!!! YAY!!! well on this happy thought I shall go to sleep - peace ya;ll

Posted at 11:45 pm by oblivionvoid
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
slowly but shorley

Well, today I finally did something useful.  It felt really good. I helped mow the lawn of this guy my grandad knows who had brain cancer.  It was good to be helping out - makes me feel like being alive is worth it.  Then we got some fresh peaches and peach ice cream from this peach grove place.  They were really good, nothing beats GA peaches.  And that made me happy to be alive as well.  So I just got out of the shower. Ever noticed showers feel so much better when you're really dirty - like when you scrub you're really accomplishing something ahhhhh...  Well I'm gonna go watch cartoon network.  I need to kill off those last few firing synapses.  Peace ya'll

Posted at 02:31 pm by oblivionvoid
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Monday, June 28, 2004
well howdy

Bah - I don't know... My mind is seriously beginning to atrophy as another day passes with nothing done but watch TV.  I did go visit my great grandparents in the nursing home 'tho.  I'll never get over the way those places smell.  Like the brink of death with a hint of 409.  And maybe some stale urine.  The folks were happy to see us 'tho.  I felt so sorry for them.  Their mind and body was all but shriveled up and almost useless.  But they loved it when we came and talked to them.  We showed pictures of the island and of the majuro trip.  My great grandad has the hots for beka and kellie - he actually thinks they're the same person.  I told you he is pretty gone.  we're going fishing tomorrow but it's not fish season here so we probably won't get anything. 
   I did something really out of character for me and it's really been putting my mind in a weird place.  I am so lonely - I hate to always complain about it but this is my place to write what I feel and it's pretty much all I've been feeling.  so ya - it's been making me do things I normally wouldn't.  Which is scary.  I hate being unpredictable to myself.

Posted at 11:14 pm by oblivionvoid
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
whining time

Okay, for starters I'm gonna list a few things that have gone wrong/bothered me this past week.  Sorry, but I just need to get this out of my system, so bear with me for a few minutes.

1.  My car is in Florida
2.  My wallet is in Florida
3.  My mojo is in Florida
4.  Haha - just kidding about my mojo- thankfuly it's right here with me, but at the rate things are going I woulnd't be surprised if it was gone when I wake up in the morning.
5.  I have got to hang out with my friends like twice since being back in America
6.  I haven't even seen any of my kwaj friends.  This is really the worst, I'm 2 freaking hours away from beka, and I can't go see her - that's depressing like you wouldn't believe.  It seems like anyone who understands me or even gives a damn is hundreds of miles away.  I mean I love my family and all but... I need my compadres 
7.  I was stuck in a palm coast hotel for the past 5 days with nothing to do but watch TV
8.  I freaking hate daytime TV
9.  I got this wicked cool digital camera for geaduation from my GA relatives, and my brother lost it in like 2 days.
10.  I had to ride for 5 hours in the back of a cramped car with 5 people and way too much luggage.
11.  My dad is in seattle, and my mom gets so freaking neurotic when he's gone

Aright - I feel like I'm leaving something out, but I'm happy and you probably don't care anyway.  Despite the pure unadulterated suckyness of the summer so far I have done a few notable things.  Since I'm really enjoying the list thing I shall recount the notable things I have done in that format.

1.  I caught a clam with a fishing pole.  Yes, the clam clamped down on my bait, I hooked it, and I reeled it in - that totally made my day.
2.  I freaking finally got a car, but it's in Titusville, 300 miles away.  I like it a lot 'tho.
3.  The electricity in my grandparents went out for a few hours - and we had to light up a bunch of candles, and my grandma thought the house was going to catch on fire.
4.  I went clothes shopping with my mom - an event slightly less fun than sticking forks in my eyes.  I got some swany new clothes, however, and some new shoes!! to replace my old ones which I've had for over 2 years. 
5.  I discovered a secret talent.  I can draw anime girls.  I drew a pic of my bro's girlfriend and one of robin the witch hunter.  She's got some freaking funny hair dude.  Haha - I just typed dude. =-) That was fun.  Geeze - I'm loosing the last precious bit of my sanity.  The abscence of all reasonable mental function isn't as enjoyable as I had imagined it would be.  It's actually prety dark and omnious.  Without even my thoughts to keep my company it's a lonely and cold world.  I think I'm going to go drool all over myself and maybe bang my head into a wall for a bit. oh wait... Leia it talking to me!!! yay!! well I may not be near a computer for a while but I will update agaun asap.


Posted at 11:41 pm by oblivionvoid
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Monday, June 21, 2004
Flaming shiite!

Today was one of the most discouraging days ever.  That wonderful supra that I was teling you about earlier - well we went to get the title signed over, and it wouldn't start.  You turned the key and nothing hapened.  We think it is an electrical problem, but I didn't buy it.  The ability to start with a key is one of my cheif concerns when buying a car.  I was gonna drive it up to GA but now it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.

Posted at 04:47 pm by oblivionvoid
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Sunday, June 20, 2004

well, I got a car finally.  It's really sweet, a 1990 Toyota Supra, with a 3.0L turbo engine, 5spd manual, Cd changer, Targa top (kinda like a convertable, but not quite), and it's red.  There's a few dings and scratches, but the price was right.  I'm driving it up to GA tomorrow, but I might not be able to see the ladds and sara if they don't e-mail me a phone # or something.  Those bums, I hoped it would take more than a week to forget me.  

Posted at 05:44 pm by oblivionvoid
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Saturday, June 19, 2004
more car crap

Bleah!!! I finally think I found a car, but my dad randomly goes into mood swings where he hates it or loves it.  So, I dunno if we'll get it.  I can't wait to go to GA.  I swear I'll post something interesting as soon as I do something worth talking about... Oh ya I did write a song, but it's kinda close to my heart right now.  It's one of my best ever.  I'll prob post it later.  well - sleep calls, bye!

Posted at 11:01 pm by oblivionvoid
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one man's treasure...

So, I've been in La Florida for the past week, staying with my grandparents.  It's been good so see the old gang again.  They're exactly the same as I remember them.  I can't really hang out with them, 'tho. because my my dad has been pretty anal, which is unusual for him.  I think he's stressed because we're shopping for a car (there's nothing he hates worse than car shopping).  I probably should be stressed, but I'm not.  I found a car I like, but my dad doesn't want it.  It's a 1990  toyota supura.  It's freaking fast, and when we test drove it my dad took it up to 80 on a little backroad.  He's a psychopath, I thought I was going to die, but then I remembered I used to do the same in my truck before I was wussified by the island.  It seems all of my favorite people are in Atlanta I wanted to drive up there with Michael on tuesday, but my dad said no...  We were gonna go to Atlantafest for 3 days.  Ahhh it would have been so grand.  So anyway, him and a bunch of other ppl went up there, and left me all alone here in Titusville.  But we're going to GA on monday, and if I have a car by then then I can visit my kwaj peeps in Splatlanta.  Speaking of which, girls suck.  I hate being the new guy again.  I actually miss being highly unattractive.  Oh well hopefully it will wear off.  2 girls asked me out the first week.  I gave a no and a maybe.  The maybe is the most depressing.  You have no freaking idea how bad I want "someone" but I prayed about it, and according to God (who usually knows what he's doing) I don't need her.  And I kinda see why.  It just makes me all the more lonely, and I can't play guitar, and I can't go out with people, and I can't drive around.  So it's been hard.  But I'm dealing.  Peace be with ya'll!

Posted at 10:39 am by oblivionvoid
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They call me: wes
I like to: Play guitar, hang out, fish, play
racquetball, tennis, and be goofy
A wise man once said:only the fool visits the land of the cannibals

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Outside yourself

Staring into the warped mirror
at the carnival of your mind
losing perspective on what is real
and leaving me far behind
you insist you care
but no evidence I see
focus your gaze on the world around
and then COME BACK TO ME

pell mell straight to hell
he never knew before he fell
the original sin, the very first failing
countless millions of damned souls wailing
You're already bent
You're about to snap
once you break

drop your foolish pride
stop looking inside
see outside yourself
look into MY EYES

It's so surreal
Did I just die

The color of the sky
makes me wonder
If I'm alive

Ecooes from
another time
Cobalt blue
In your eyes

So where were you... ?

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
that my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just to busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you?
When all this I was going through
You never took the time
To ask me just what you could do

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
that my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just to busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made


Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
Itís nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldnít that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I donít want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

-Finger Eleven

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